Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Randomize