Non-Jews are for practice
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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