it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
