Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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