so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
i now understand why vodka
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
