I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
We are all done wearing pants today
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