if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
