lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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