We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
