By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
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I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
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Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
im on a boat
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