If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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