I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
