i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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