I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
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