My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
this beer tastes like vomit already
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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