Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Randomize
