and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
