If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Still dying that you shit outside
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
