thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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