I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
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