i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
