see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Randomize
