Just fell off a train. Bad.
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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