So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
