i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Randomize
