just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Randomize
