Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
