No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
