He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
