i just google imaged poop.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
