Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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