i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
