you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
