I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
