Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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