I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
