holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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