that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
