I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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