When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
