I have demons in me.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
