I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
