I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
