Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
