I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
