You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
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Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
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