If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
