I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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