every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize