i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
