I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I yelled at your uterus for you.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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