How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
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He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
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I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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