Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
