...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
