I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize