every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
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