your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
