did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
another moral hangover. fuck.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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