Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize