Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Randomize
