Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
