people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
