Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
