these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
