Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize