What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
