i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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