then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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