The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
He did a backflip because drugs
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
