Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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