jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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