What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
