Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
