she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
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