I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
He did a backflip because drugs
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
